Underpants

I've never made it a secret that when it comes to underwear, I'm a plain cotton undies type who will always choose lilac, pink or pale blue colours with lots of pretty flowers on them. I buy them cheap, usually in budget packs, and I've been like this since forever. I did have brief interlude of sexy underwear when I was 21 and 22 and having sex with Nevin like little rabbits. I wore g strings and lacy things and black silky knickers, the works.
Soon as I had my kid it went back to cotton florals though, and the silky black knickers only came out for special occasions like when Nevin took me down to the local tavern and bought me a fisherman's basket and a lemon lime and bitter.

The g strings, however, never saw the crack of my dawn again....



The other day I was helping out in the school canteen. I really like the canteen manager very much - we get along like a house on fire and I find I can pretty much tell her everything from what I had to breakfast that morning to how I feel about my breasts and she is cool with everything. I think she's a friend for keeps. Anyway, there was another Mum in there working and the three of us together often talk rather smutty things. We have a lot of laughs over pikelet batter and chicken nuggets.
The talk ended up on underwear. The school Mum said she only buys designer brand knickers. She said her husband got her onto buying the really good stuff because he believes a woman is like a present, and she should have beautiful, enticing wrapping for him to uncover.
Who is this man and where can I meet him?

Ahem, anyway.... when I confessed that I only wore knickers you buy in a six-pack from Big W they both dropped their tongs and whisk and gaped open-mouthed. "You are kidding?"
No, no I wasn't.
Turns out the canteen manager wears silky animal prints and the school mum wears black Calvin Klein's with just a hint of lace. I know this because they showed them to me.

*sounds of men dropping everything to sign up at the local school canteen*

I showed them the tops of my undies, with the peach trim and apricot coloured flowers.

"Oh my GOD!" they screamed. "Mel, for God's sake. Google Victoria's Secret and order yourself some beautiful sets."

I went on about the money and the cost and how nobody sees my bloody knickers anyway, so why bother? I don't have sex, I don't have a boyfriend, I'm just not.....that way.

They both looked me sternly in the eye. You do not buy beautiful underwear only if you have a boyfriend. You buy it for yourself. So you know you are wearing lovely things.

The school mum went on, "My husband is away for six weeks. I still put on my lovely matching bra and knicker sets, even though I'm the only one who sees it because it makes me feel good."

Turns out there is a whole psychology about undies and how we feel about our bodies, ourselves and sex.

I've had lots of time to think about this. I choose 'little girl' underwear. I wear the same sorts of patterns I was wearing when I was 6 years old, the same sorts of colours, the same style. Only three thousand times larger.
I choose these knickers because subconsciously.... I resist feeling like a grown up, sexual woman. I do. There's a whole session in therapy right there.
I also resist spending money on good quality undies because I do not feel like I deserve it.
Another therapy session.....


They both threatened to come into my house, run for my undies drawer and burn the cotton florals. No, I wailed, not the cotton florals! Please!
Yes, they said. We are coming in there and burning the lot. You go and buy yourself a pair of beautiful, good quality knickers - today! There is no excuse, ever, for a woman not to feel sexy.

You probably know how this will end..... I haven't thrown out my cotton underpants. I haven't bought any sexy underwear. I'm still figuring out if it means that much to me to go and spend a hundred dollars on three pairs of pants.
Until then, I'm locking my undies drawer and not answering my front door.... just in case.....